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THE GRIEVING EXECUTOR

The Grieving Executor - The Beginning The loss of someone close in your life is a very difficult thing to live through. Everyone grieves differently, and I honestly don't think anyone knows how they will handle the situation until they are actually in it. There is no right or wrong way. It is a very personal thing to go through and can change your world, especially if those around you are grieving in a different manner or perhaps didn't know your person. Now on top of losing your loved one, you have to deal with their estate. This doesn't necessarily sound all that difficult when you are sitting in a lawyers office preparing a Will and thinking about who your executor would be when you pass away. Or perhaps you're in a living room talking with friends and discussing Will planning. Correctly so, many people would prefer not to take on this task, but feel obligated or a sense of "looking after someone after they're gone". But now let's move forward to the day when the death has actually happened. In my case it's the day two police officers showed up at my door to inform me that my son had died. I believe I was in a state of shock for most of the time we went through funeral planning, and those very early days. But then numbness took over. That state where you think it's a nightmare you will wake up from, that you forget to eat, can't remember what day of the week it is, walk slow like there is the weight of a giant brick on both shoulders - but somehow still put one foot in front of the other. Oh, and guess what, you're executor. So now that job begins....in the coming months I would have to say "Hi, my name is Nancy Leek and I am executor for my son's estate", more times than I can count. The Grieving Executor is coming from the heart of a mom who lost her adult child, and then discovered over the coming months that in the corporate world, very few people care and customer service is horrendous. These articles will help you to work your way through what is to come, and hopefully help people going through this after me, find a slightly smoother path. Check back as I continue to add content to this page.
The Grieving Executor - Points about future blogs This blog is going to encompass what I went through as an executor. To keep it a little less personal I am going to use the names Chris and Sandy throughout. At this point, as much as I'd like to out some of the horrible horrible companies I dealt with, I will also use generic names for them. Oh, so tempting right now to type their names!!!!
The Grieving Executor - Starting Out Although everything depends on your own personal circumstances, unless there is a reason not to, start your executor duties after the funeral. Get through that nightmare first. It's typically within a week or so between the time of death and the time of the funeral and you will need this time to yourself. Then it's time to begin. Don't automatically assume that your brain will work as well as it did in these early days as it did the day before your person died. Grief works in mysterious ways. Brain fog, memory loss, and many more side effects may hamper your ability to work on this task in a manner you may have been able to if this were a distant cousin, 5 times removed, and not your precious loved one. First - get a dedicated notebook and attach a pen to it. Keep this as a dedicated place to put everything to do with the estate. Make sure it's a decent size so you can make notes easily and quickly. You will need this to make notes when phone calls are made or received, list what has to be done and when, track dates to follow up on things that are still in the works but won't be finished in the near term. The first pages do not need to be in any sort of order, and are not expected to be. But make sure you write down everything you are told to do. After the funeral home your first meeting may be with the lawyer. They may give you a document with a list of things to do, but while in their office they may also provide informal information while chatting. Write it down. Chances are pretty low that you will remember everything they said after you leave if you haven't made notes.When I look back at that notebook there are random things to do written all over those first pages. I am an "attention to detail" person, even my calendar is colour coded, but I was now in a fog while taking on a monumental task. Although after years of helping people to prepare Wills and help them have hard conversations with their kids regarding their estate needs, I still had no idea just how monumental this would be until I really got into it. In your notebook, make a list of everything you can think of that needs to be done. Lots of things will still come up along the way, but this is a starting point. Label the top of each page of your notebook with the name of a task. Things like: * 'make a PDF' copy of the death certificate and the document showing you as executor. You will need this many times as you start making your phone calls. The death certificate will come from the funeral home and the letters showing you as executor come from the lawyer. * 'find a copy of the Will' - do you even know if there is one?? * 'call a lawyer' - you can deal with whatever estate lawyer you like, it does not have to be the one who wrote up the Will. If you have no idea if there is a Will or where it is if there is one, find a lawyer to help you with this step. Every time you speak with someone, write down the date and time of the conversation. If it is a situation such as cutting off or changing a service for a house, get the name of the customer service rep and a reference number. Then unfortunately, assume they will not do what they said they would, and call another time to ensure that the task is either being worked on or is done. Ask for everything in writing. Whenever possible ask the customer service rep to email you with details or send a hard copy by Canada Post. Keep everything! So...basically you are going to call ABC company, tell them that you are executor for Chris' estate and that you need their service stopped/changed and all future correspondence to be sent to you. Not too many companies answer the phone as soon as you call, we live in a world of being kept on hold, so use this time to start a new page of your notebook - enter the name of the company you are calling, the time you called, the phone number you used, and then update the time you called to when you get through to someone. If the company doesn't do something and you need a copy of the recorded message, the time you started talking is more easily found in their records than the time you called in. Once you have a customer service rep on the line, they should not give you any information other than an email address to forward the death certificate and letters showing you as executor. Without that they are crossing the privacy line, this is why I suggest making a PDF of those documents, as they will be emailed quite a few times over the coming months.
The Grieving Executor - Who to Contact These are not in any specific order, however the ones at the top are contacts that should be made sooner rather than later. * Lawyer - they will require an original copy of the death certificate (the funeral home will give you several originals) * Insurance Company - although most companies will not make changes or help until they have proof you are executor, the insurance company for vehicles and property should be made aware immediately. There are rules about leaving a house empty for a certain time frame and each company has slightly different requirements. Ensure you know the maximum amount of time the property/house can be left without visiting. If a flood or fire happen you want to know the property is in good standing with the insurance company. They may accept a pdf of the death certificate by email. * Look through important papers to see if any instructions have been left, a copy of the Will, perhaps a life insurance policy... * The Bank - where are the bank accounts? Set up an appointment with the bank to discuss.
The Grieving Executor - Things to Do if there is a house If a house is going to be empty overnight or for days at a time: *Put a couple of lights on timers. One at the front of the house and one at the back, and have them turn on and off at different times. *Move cars around in the driveway. *Ensure snow is shoveled in a timely manner or grass is cut regularly (you could contact your local high school to find a student who needs their volunteer hours). *Introduce yourself to the neighbour on each side and give them your contact info just in case it's needed. (Your person may have ordered something to be delivered that arrives weeks after they have died, a neighbour could let you know there's a box at the door). * If the house will be empty a few days at a time, consider turning off the water at the main tap to the house each time you leave, just to be on the safe side. * Change the locks on the house' (don't assume you know who all has a key - changing a lock is an easy job whether you do it yourself or hire someone). You need to take control from day one and know what is going on. This is now your responsibility. * Pick up the mail regularly - especially if you are looking after a house with mail delivery to the door. Some or all of the household bills may be received via Canada Post. You can also pay for mail forwarding to yourself through Canada Post, however if there wasn't a Will you cannot do this until you have been appointed executor. * Delivery of newspapers and flyers can be stopped with a phone call to the subscription line of the paper. * Place something near the front door such as a pot of flowers in summer, a pumpkin in the fall, an ornament in the winter. An article that will not blow around in a huge windstorm, and that can be changed out with different seasons, again, to keep the home looking lived in. * Are bills being paid by automatic debit from a bank account or credit card? Keep track of everything paid and received as you may need very detailed records for the lawyer, or court, before your job as executor is done. Your trip to the bank may also help you know which bills are being paid through them. * Depending on the neighbourhood, you may need to have eavestroughs cleaned out in the late fall. Unfortunately there are people who watch obituary notices to learn of potentially empty homes, so start looking after the property immediately. In my case a real estate agent actually came to the visitation at the funeral home to ask about buying the house. This was incredibly insensitive and immoral, but unfortunately this crap happens and you need to be prepared. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The Grieving Executor - Preparing for Probate * When an estate has to go through probate (most do), the lawyer will require a list of all assets and debts as of the date of your persons death. * The lawyer will give you general direction on this, but they don't know what your person had or didn't have, so there will be things you need to figure out yourself. When the list you prepare is sent to the lawyer they will point out obvious things that are missing, but again, they don't know what they don't know. Neither do you. So take some time and check out the list I've prepared as a basic guideline. Assets as of the date of death for the following: Principal residence Any other land or property they may have owned such as a cottage or rental property Vehicles Trailers Bank accounts (provide at least the last 4 digits of the account number) Investments held in a non-registered account (stocks, bonds, mutual funds, cash) - if there are none, write investments in your spreadsheet and enter a $0 so they know there aren't any, and it's not just been missed. Debts as of the date of death for the following: Credit Card balances Mortgage against the house or other property Car/Vehicle loans Personal loans Line(s) of Credit CRA - for any outstanding unpaid taxes Include any unpaid bills (some regular bill payments such as hydro/water/city taxes may be missed between the time when your person died and when you have access to what is needed to get them paid) An estimate of probate fees (your lawyer will help you with that number) Although slightly after the date of death you also include the following on the Debt side of the spreadsheet: the cost of the funeral and burial anticipated payment of executor fee if there will be one Everything that goes on this spreadsheet needs to have backup for why you entered that figure. For land/property you would contact a real estate agent for a current value who will also have to back up how they arrived at their figure. For the mortgage you would get a print out from the lender. Vehicle and personal loans you would contact the lender. CRA - this would be a request made in writing, included with sending them the death certificate and letters showing you as executor, or if you know your person used a professional for their tax returns this accountant/tax preparer could provide the info needed. Note separately any items your person had that the lawyer will want to know about, but do not go on the list for probate: RRSPs/RRIFs/TFSAs/RESPs
* If there is a house, get a real estate agent or home valuator to do this for you. Request that your lawyer send this valuation in with the court documents. Even though you will have already sent the valuation to the lawyer, sometimes they will just sent the spreadsheet of assets and debts, but the court has the option to request the full valuation. If the request is made (which seems to be a completely random request), the lawyer then sends in this document, but it has slowed down the process. Note that you do not have the ability to speak with the court directly on any issue to deal with the estate, you must go through a lawyer.